I wondered whether I should tell you this story but it is important enough that I never forgot it.

I worked for a chiropractor once who for all intents and client base, appeared to be as`laid back and non-racist as you could hope for in a medical service provider.

The general treatment area is set up as an open floor plan work area. Chiropractic adjustments, mini-massage and patient waiting area are all in the same room on display to everyone. There is nothing private here. Everything is on display to everyone else. Conversations can be heard, and had, between everyone in that area and all at once.

It is busy and I am standing there doing massage on a patient while others are sitting in chairs waiting for a massage or a chiropractic adjustment. I am focused on my work and largely ignoring the chatter around me until I hear something so suprising, I thought I was imagining things and made myself pay attention to make sure it was actually happening. It was the chiropractor talking to the patients around him who were of multiple races and genders.

"Yah, well. You know my son is half black!" he announced in a jocular manner. His son is fair haired, fair skinned and clearly the product of two White parents AND his son is there in the room with us. Some patients in the room look confused about the comment as they look over at the chiropractor's son. I am confused as well and take a second look at his son. His son is clearly embarrassed and quickly turns to leave, forcing an awkward smile.

"Well, half black!" the chiropractor continues loudly, "From the waist down!" and begins laughing at his own joke.

He really said that. You could feel the shock and horror in the room as if an iron gate had just dropped. One of the male patients laughed politely but the awkwardness and embarrassment was palpable. Even I felt like someone had just punched me in the gut hearing that. This is someone we were supposed to be able to trust with our care. This is someone who is supposed to have a level of respect for our dignity and feelings that are required for being a valued and exalted member of everyone's community. This was supposed to be a medical professional. Instead we were given a full display of his racist, sexual insecurity during an unguarded moment.

As a result of this, my opinion of that man as both an adult male and a medical provider has dropped so low that you couldn't find a drill that could go low enough to find it and bring it back to surface. Racist jokes are only funny to other racists and never acceptable from medical professionals. And Mr Charming here did it in front of both male and female patients, who were also multiple races during professional hours in the group waiting area. Did I mention that he completely expected us all to laugh at his humor too? 

It was just a joke, you say? And a flattering one, you think?

I know some folks have never been on the receiving end of the same, racist jokes for the millionth time so they genuinely don't see what the problem is. The following is for you: There is nothing funny or flattering about having someone reduce you to the punchline of a joke based on their assumptions about you because of the way you look (which you can do nothing about).

Have you heard the joke that goes, "If older is wiser, you must be one smart son of a b*tch!" It sounds funny to us`but is it really funny to someone who is only just entering their senior years and hearing it from someone in their 20's? Why isn't it funny then? Isn't it a compliment? Why should everyone who is considered older find humor in being the focus of that joke? If you are too much of a coward to own your racist thoughts and have to claim "it was a joke" after you say it, your cowardice, not my race, should be the real point of discomfort for you here.

I have heard more happy ending jokes from other massage therapists in massage school than I care to think about. I have watched White female massage therapists target the Asian community during AMTA meetings, in person businesses and through actual targeted searches for Asian-named providers on`directories and massage license databases. This is in addition to the racist garbage that has revealed themselves to me in massage rooms (and in gyms, of all places and white collar workers too!) and from folks who I have known on a personal level who immediately went to a "happy ending" joke to process their reflexive filthy thoughts. "It was just a joke!" and "I was just kidding! Where's your sense of humor?" are always their defense when they realize how awful they are being. I have a fine sense of humor and, newsflash, it doesn't like racist humor. I don't know why doctors seem to be the only people left that know what the word "dignity" means when it comes to other people. Even then, many of them seem to blatantly pursue medicine for the money and status instead of the desire to heal and serve too.

I don't like bigots or racists. I have dealt with them all my life and I am intimately familiar the trauma and damage they cause innocent people, especially children. If you want someone who share your questionable humor or insulting views of people who don't look like you, there are plenty of massage therapists who are looking for your business. I am not one of them.

If you are someone who is looking for a safe and supportive space to help repair yourself after dealing with two faced people like this chiropractor, or worse, one faced people who wear the most hateful face they can present - my office is here for you.

I get it. No explanations necessary. I have been that "weird" person too. You aren't weird. You are just surrounded by rubes.

Welcome to the office. :-)

The World Medical Association most current ethics pledge -

The Physician’s Pledge

AS A MEMBER OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION:

I SOLEMNLY PLEDGE to dedicate my life to the service of humanity;

THE HEALTH AND WELL-BEING OF MY PATIENT will be my first consideration;

I WILL RESPECT the autonomy and dignity of my patient;

I WILL MAINTAIN the utmost respect for human life;

I WILL NOT PERMIT considerations of age, disease or disability, creed, ethnic origin, gender, nationality, political affiliation, race, sexual orientation, social standing or any other factor to intervene between my duty and my patient;

I WILL RESPECT the secrets that are confided in me, even after the patient has died;

I WILL PRACTISE my profession with conscience and dignity and in accordance with good medical practice;

I WILL FOSTER the honour and noble traditions of the medical profession;

I WILL GIVE to my teachers, colleagues, and students the respect and gratitude that is their due;

I WILL SHARE my medical knowledge for the benefit of the patient and the advancement of healthcare;

I WILL ATTEND TO my own health, well-being, and abilities in order to provide care of the highest standard;

I WILL NOT USE my medical knowledge to violate human rights and civil liberties, even under threat;

I MAKE THESE PROMISES solemnly, freely, and upon my honour

Sometimes, it really IS the principle of the thing.