So, you think you want to be a massage therapist? I just recently had three different massage therapy jobs in less than a year and this is what happens when you are good at what you do. (At least around here). All these stories are true and not exaggerated (who would believe this if it weren't true, accurate and verifiable?). Names have been omitted for obvious reasons. 

Job 1. A spa : the owner is a histrionic personality and easy to wind up and is terrified of customer's complaining about anything. She runs her spa like Enron corporation and rewards the therapists for giving her gossip and spying on each other. She is easier to manipulate than a toddler (literally). I was there a month and doing so well that I was already getting a full schedule each day I was working up to a month in advance at that point. The only other therapist who was doing well there saw me as a threat and the next thing I know "mystery" complaints were getting to the owner about my shoes being too loud. I changed shoes to rubber soled shoes. Still too loud. (Mind you this spa is in an old building where you could hear entire conversations from the street as people walked by but my SHOES were too loud? Because supposedly a "customer" complained to "a therapist" (guess which one) who told the owner. I finally changed to house slipppers. Then it was my foot fall (!!!) that was too loud. Among other ridiculous "complaints" from supposed customers. She fired me by phone on a Saturday. Then in a long text exchange when she realized she just fired the only other employee making money for her (I was grossing almost $2k in revenue per week for her) - THEN she tries to tell me she didn't fire me, it was a misunderstanding and if I want the job, I just have to apologize for my attitude (What attitude? If I had a bad attitude, how the hell am I pulling 2k per week AND having a fully booked schedule a month in advance and I only started there a month ago ?!?!?!?!?).

"You have an appointment on Thursday? What am I supposed to tell them?"

"You could tell them the truth. You fired me."

"I did not fire you! You misunderstood me!"

"Yes, you did. I am not crazy and I know what I heard. Are you listening to yourself?"

I can only imagine the unflattering stories they have fabricated to explain my sudden departure from that business when they had to suddenly cancel and try to reschedule all my appointments with other therapists. I hope that trouble making therapist who manipulates the owner like silly putty is bringing her all the income and goodwill she lost with this stupid, paranoid power play.

Job 2: Chiropractor's office. I was there one month. I didn't show up for a 9 am appt because I had it written down for 10 am. I had no other appointments that day. I was completely freaking out because I am really destabilized if I lose time or miss appointments so I didn't answer my phone for 4 hours. When I finally checked phone and email, I had an email from the office manager telling me that she was firing me effective immediately for not showing up for the appointment or answering my phone. The email that was in my mailbox after hers? An email from the client I was supposed to meet at 9 am telling me she wouldn't be there because she had Covid and tried to cancel with front desk but they weren't returning her voicemail messages. I was fired for not showing up for an appointment that had been cancelled 2 days earlier. I received this email because this client was my personal client that I had brought to them because I was working in their office and needed their office to work on my patients along with theirs. Again, i have been there a month and already I have people scheduling with me a month ahead because they couldn't get a 2nd appointment any sooner because my schedule was already full. 

But sure, fire me for an appointment that was never showing up because they had already cancelled in advance that YOU didn't do your due diligence about before taking me to task. Nothing says respect like treating a board certified, licensed professional like an irresponsible teenager working at a mall kiosk for not showing up for an appointment that had already been cancelled days before. The insult was worse than the misunderstanding. I refused to go back.

Job 3: Another part time job working at a chiropractor's office. This time, dealing with alot of motor vehicle accident patients and Spanish speaking clients (which I loved the challenges of!). 3 therapists (including me) rotating in the main area giving 10 minute massages. The owner is weird AF. A total fake trying to convince himself he is all about healing and medicine and new age crap when really, he is just about the profit. He pretends to be racially tolerant but I suspect he is another Trump supporter who loves minority money enough to pretend to like them. (There's a separate story about this coming) Again, I am doing real therapy with assessment, examination, history and accident details intake and THEN doing specific soft tissue work (not the generic massage that the other two are doing because I have advanced and medical training that they do not). Last week, I knew it was going to be a problem when two patients came in and declined the free 10 minute massage with the other therapist and specifically said they were going to wait for me to work on them. I could see the sour look on the other therapist's face and you know this wasn't going anywhere good. I would be pissed off too.

Fast forward to this week. At this point, I have been there a month (and only 2 nights a week on schedule). I walk in and this 23 year old potato at the front desk is handing me paperwork to sign. Suddenly now,
- a month after I was hired
- one week after an unhinged conversation with the owner by phone

- and the following scheduled work day after the sour faced massage therapist incident

NOW I am required to sign off on critical paperwork? Specifically, a list of employee job duties and responsibilities (some of which I didn't know what they were talking about or have been trained to do) and a non-compete/non-solicitation legal agreement which didn't read like a proper legal agreement.

It actually read like someone cobbled it together from generic templates on their MSWord program and in all reality probably would never be enforceable but the owner is a paranoid AF. I say that because at the end of the ONE conversation I had with him trying to get clarity about the job and questions about marketing permissions, etc. He was nearly unhinged the entire conversation and ended the conversation with "Are you recording this phone call?"
---- If you are thinking "WTAF? Where did THAT come from?" ... so was I. But I realized in that moment that based on a few other things I observed that I have only seen in alcoholics, he might a functional alcoholic. It would explain some things.

So I am looking at this agreement and I said, "yah, I am going to take this home to review it and talk to someone else about it and i will bring it back" - at which point this 23 year old potato snatches the paper back from me and refuses to let me have it, arguing with me and talking down to me.. TO ME... a board certified, licensed professional and an adult that easily has 20+ years of work and life experience on her. If you are over 40, you know the level of offense and arrogance this represents coming from someone who only JUST graduated highschool. I had to demand that damn thing from her two more times and when I finally said, "Is there something on there you don't want an attorney to see? Because I have a legal right to review legal documents before I sign them" ... THEN she finally stopped arguing and instead shoved the paper back at me.

Five minutes later (maybe 3 minutes later, in all honesty), the owner's son and the billing manager asked to speak to me outside and then informed me that I was terminated because they weren't "feeling the vibe" from me. When asked for more clarification about what the vibe or issue was (we all know what the real problem is here and I am not even sure it is legal to fire someone for NOT blindly signing a legal document) they couldn't and wouldn't answer saying, "Look, you are a good therapist. No, actually you are an excellent therapist but we gave you the answer.. the vibe... we don't have to explain anything to you"

And now, I am trying to piecemeal together a new office in another unorthodox work space just so I can do what I do best, be able to serve people who need actual soft tissue therapy not expensive back rubs and just pay my bills. If you ask me why I keep beating my head against a well trying to offer my services as a massage therapist instead of doing anything else, it is because

- I am good at what I do. And I get better every time I work on new pain relief and dysfunction challenges on the table. I really wish I could work on more MVA patients and Spanish speaking clients (so I can also improve my Spanish).

- There aren't enough therapists who do the level of work I do for less than $125/+ per hour. I know because I have looked for them for my own bodywork needs. The few I can find I can't afford either and they are all booked out for months in advance leaving the rest of us with.... under-skilled and under-educated therapists. We can't be mad at them. You don't know what you don't know and they only know what they have been taught.

- I genuinely want to help alleviate people's unnecessary suffering. Unless you are like the last string of people I have had to deal with on a professional level who have deliberately pulled power plays at my expense for no justifiable reason, or one of my ex-boyfriends. In that case, you can suffer. I'll bring a lawn chair and refreshments. I never said I was aspiring to be a saint.


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Want a reliable income? Don't go into massage therapy. Literally, any other form of self employment is a more stable and reliable income that will not physically cripple you if you work harder or in more volume.

Want respect for your skills and knowledge? Don't go into massage therapy. Everyone thinks we are the same marginally skilled back rub specialist and will forget that you had to pass board certifications AND get a license to do YOUR job.

Want to do something good and right in this world? Consider volunteer work. Nothing is more selfless and virtuous than unpaid, volunteer labor.

Want to bang your head against the wall in frustration and uncertainty while continuing to try and cultivate and develop a medical school level of education through self learning from books, videos and all other unconventional sources without the benefit of a degree and a real income? Then, absoutely become a massage therapist and call me when you think you have your skills mastered. I could use a decent massage myself.